1000 First Dates

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Before I met the love of my life at 38, I went on over a thousand first dates . Yes that is no exaggeration. I started at 16. That’s fifty dates a year for over twenty years. 

I learnt to make the dates short, a half hour cup of coffee after work, and if he was hot and interesting I could extend to a glass of wine (but never more than one or I might become too boisterous or amorous ).  I learnt to pick up the signals early and not waste anybody’s time. 

And you may ask , why so many, why over a 1000 dates ? Well here’s  why … I had seen people close to me settle , settle with OK , settle down . I vowed never to do that, I vowed I would settle up , and not stop until I found my truly special partner . I knew in my heart someone was out there for me and I just had to keep looking . Meet lots and lots of men and I would find him. 

In those 1000 first dates I had my fair share of every possible emotion; fun, longing , hope , excitement , frustration , joy and of course disappointment. 

I remember in my early  twenties living in Poland , working in television, waiting after work in the freezing (-10) snow at a bus stop for my date to arrive . No mobiles then so  I waited forty minutes in that snow. He never showed , and the worst part, when we finally connected he said he forgot, and I ( silly infatuated girl ) went out with him again . 

I had a boyfriend who wanted to be exclusive and then a month later said he realised he didn’t believe in monogamy. 
A penny pincher who taught me how to live abundantly on  $2 a day. 
A boyfriend who admitted I wasn’t really his type but as a good looking raconteur I got him clients at functions . I guess there is a compliment in there somewhere …
I got ghosted after months of dating. 
I found myself in relationships that sapped my confidence , where I felt ugly and inadequate. 

And there were times when I was a horrible girlfriend, the one who didn’t want to have sex (though I’m definitely sexual) ,  who would throw a tantrum and terrorise her partner trying to get hold of something that just wasn’t there . 

Through all these experiences and my years of life coaching successful men , I have learnt an enormous amount about men, all the different types of men. What men long for , what makes them happy.  I am very sympathetic to men, to the challenges men face, men’s loneliness , their fears and their dreams. I really enjoy the company of men. 

And as a woman who has longed for love , who has personally experienced almost  every possible date, I truly feel for and understand women like me; smart, fun, successful women who are ready for someone to share life with and frustrated that it’s such a crap shoot out there. 

I have learnt from all these experiences that there are just two things that really matter . 

The first is simply this : compatibility is everything! 

Everyone is different, unique . Experiencing , as I do now , a relationship with someone who is truly compatible , and being able to compare that with previous relationships that in varying ways weren’t, I see how easy and nourishing it can be . I also see that  when we are not getting our needs met, it feels hard , frustrating , and  we act up. 

I know from my work and study of matchmaking that there is someone out there for everyone. And the key to a happy relationship is compatibility, finding that truly compatible someone . 

The second thing that matters is the mindset that we bring to relationship. The mindset of  being happy with ourselves first. Not expecting someone to make us happy, makes a world of difference to our relationships. 

I learnt this the hard way. Growing up in rural Poland , in communism , things were dark , we were told not to expect much , certainly not happiness , life was hard . 

At 33 , living in beautiful sunny Sydney Australia , I decided to consciously spend time alone . I rarely went out on dates and  it wasn’t with the same urgency and yearning .

I started life coaching and practiced it on myself . 
I asked and answered some important  questions. What was my vision for my life? What were my requirements in a relationship? 

This led me to do do personal work,  to become more self aware, and have more perspective on how I reacted to the world . I studied the law of attraction and played with it.  I learnt inch by inch to become happy with myself. 

I became quite content with my life as a single woman . If a special man came along , ( and I still believed he would ) he would have to be very special indeed , to make this life even better. 

This story , this extraordinary journey of over a 1000 dates, with all its joys and disappointments has had a very happy ending .  It has been such a crucible for learning , and it has served to fuel my passion to help others find the love and happiness we all seek and deserve . 

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  • Dear Anna

    Thank you for sharing your vert personal beautiful story and journey. And what a journey life and love is? I can certainly relate to so many of your comments. My parent’s own background is Hungarian!

    Like you I have done a lot of work on myself and of course always feel that there is more to do. I’m glad to have come across your details on the meet up site and look forward to connecting



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